Top 10 End-Of-The-World Foods – Heather Davis

Cream of Chicken Soup

If what the Mayans say is true and zombies end the world in 2012 by electing Snookie as president, we must be prepared. We must be prepared to board ourselves up in our homes because let’s face it: we’re not all going to get to Montana in time and besides that, the state is only so big.

I think we learned our lesson in 1999 when we all stocked up on water in preparation of the computers taking over the world in Y2K. Ummm…Water? It’ll take a whole lot more than water to get us through this crisis.  Make sure you have plenty of these items on hand.

 

10. Twinkies: Not only will these delectable snack cakes serve your family for generations to come, but if you unwrap one and let it sit on the counter for 24-hours, it can be used as a weapon. An edible weapon – life is good.

 

9. Taco-Flavored Doritos: These spicy, crunchy triangles of wonder are hard enough to find when everything is right with the world. If you see these, snag them up. Plus, if a zombie breaks into your house and steals them you’ll hear it crunch the chips or crinkle the bag.

 

8. Segram’s Wine Coolers: Popping the top off of a wine cooler will remind you of a much simpler time. A time when you were poor but still wanted to get drunk. A time when you had no lofty expectations or taste. [Read more...]

10 Popular Trends in Wedding Guest Dresses

by Blythe Jewell

Every wedding is different, every guest is special. Some of us are there to celebrate the sanctity of marriage, others are there to get drunk, get laid, eat their weight in wedding cake or some combination thereof. Let’s take a look at some of the hottest trends in wedding guest garb this season.

10. The “Your Gift Will Totally Be Something I Made With A Hot Glue Gun and Popsicle Sticks” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9.  The “I Really, REALLY Need to Find a Sugar Daddy To Help Me Pay for These Things” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8.  The “I Like Cats Just a *Little* Too Much” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7.  The “Playing This Off Like I’m Cultural and Stuff But Really I Just Want to Eat the Entire Wedding Cake Without Worrying About Stomach Pooch” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6.  The “Only Way I’m Getting Any Attention Today is by Piggybacking on the Cuteness of My Kid So I’m Going Whole Hog” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.  The “Just Got Dumped So Now I’m Planning to Get Wasted and Blow a Groomsman at the Reception” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.  The “Took that Whole Royal Wedding Thing Just A Tiny Bit Too Seriously” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.  The “I’m Hiding Your Gift in One Of My Flaps” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.  The “Last Wedding I Attended, My Husband Took Sister Wife” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 . Top Wedding Guest Dress Trend –   The “Don’t Care if I Have to Run Over my Own Grandma – I’m Catching That Fucking Bouquet” Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blythe Jewell is a wife, mom, sister, friend, writer/editor and professional-grade smart ass.  Her work has been featured in numerous publications both online and in print, and she’s won many awards in recognition of her tremendous talent, including an Oscar, a Pulitzer, the Nobel Peace Prize and a Daytime Emmy.  She also tends to lie a lot, and enjoys referring to herself in the third person.  Find her sometimes hilarious, always off-color, insanely unpopular blog at http://www.themusicalfruit.net/.  Also available for childrens’ parties.

Top 10 Reasons to Vajazzle Your Vaj!

Top 10 Reasons to Vajazzle Your Vaj!

Top 10 Reasons to Vajazzle Your Vaj on Funny not Slutty!

Jennifer Love Hewitt shared her love for vajazzling on Lopez Tonight and now everyone wonders if vajazzling is for them. Two writers who have established their authority on vajazzled vajayjays here and here have come together on Funny not Slutty with the authoritative list of reasons to vajazzle! Where else but on FnS would Ruth Selwyn of Lizzy the Lezzy animated Lesbian standup fame and Bryce Gruber, Born again Virgin Editor of The Luxury Spot come together for you?  

  [Read more...]