Funny not Slutty of the Week – KiKi Walter

If FnS had a “Most Nostalgic” award, it would go to Kiki (Kristy) Walter. Kristy remembers more about her youth than I remember about yesterday. Her “every woman” style of writing is reflective of her experience in acting, documentary producing and journalism.
Kristi in the FnS Community and her blog Flibbertigibbet.

Plucking Mole Hairs: Pleather, News & Roller Derby
by KiKi Walter

As I grow older, replete with nose warts and hairy moles and blast of gray Einstein hair, I tend to obsess over the dreams of youth gone by. What one might call “an idealist” — or “dreamer — or “eccentric” — or “scatterbrained creative type” — or just “scatterbrained” — I’ve had my share of aspirations, none of which I’ve completely left behind. I won’t quit you, damn it. I won’t quit you:

* Fame-whoring, Academy-award winning, totally obnoxious actress. The life long dream, out of the womb. As a child, I would throw blankets over my head and darken the circles under my eyes with an eyeliner pencil (unfortunately, it was a shimmery baby blue eye pencil – but, you know, it was — like — 1980. Ish.) Imagination prevailed, however, and I would light the bedroom with candles and proceed to pose in front of my dresser mirror for future movie posters. I suppose in my youth, I was delusional over the fact that my reign as a community theatre princess in a small Canadian border farm town would take me far in my quest for fame, but the heart was there. I kept with it, I did my thing in Los Angeles until Plan B was enlisted — the difference being it was more about the feeling and less about the fame whore thing. In my old age, I miss it. But, in my old age, I still psychotically pose for dramatic movie posters while in the comfort of my darkened bedroom. [Read more...]

Top 10 Dos and Don’ts Learned from My Last High School Reunion

by Blythe Jewell

So, last week I received the Save-the-Date for my 20th high school reunion and most people might start panicking now, but not me.  Because every stupid, jackass thing someone can possibly do at a high school reunion, I already did ten years ago.  I’ve basically spent the past ten years engaged in a series of random Oh-shit-I-really-did-that cringes and winces and I’m choosing to see the 20-year as my opportunity to redeem myself, rather than a chance to make myself look like even more of an asshole.  Of course, those are what I like to call “Famous Last Words” – but we’re going to think positive here.  At least I’m going in armed with my List of Dos and Don’ts – wisdom gained through my own pain and humiliation.  And now you can, too.  You’re welcome.

1. DO stay in touch with at least two people from high school.   The first one is the person you will force to go with you to the reunion so you’re not sans high school clique.  The second is your back-up, in case the first refuses or gets sick or dies or something.

 

2. DON’T wear the tube dress.  Unless you’re cool with holding your boobs in all night.

 

[Read more...]

Makeup The Hell – jpmetz

Finally! Makeup tutorials for the pissed off and cynical. Justine shares the ups and downs of her life (mostly downs) as she reproduces the most beautiful and popular current looks. Makeup and life coaching in one The Hell package.

Brown Smokey Friggin Eye

Ke$ha Party Makeup Tutorial [Read more...]