3 Rooftop Comedy Chicks to Stalk – Natalie Wall

Carmen Lynch—

Just awarded first place at the She Devil Comedy Festival (which we happened to help sponsor), Carmen Lynch is on fiyah! And honestly, I’m at a loss for words to describe how fucking hilarious she is. So that’s all I can say. She’s fucking hilarious. And if you’ve never heard any of her stand-up, then change that. Immediately. Like, seriously. Right now. Google her. Click a link. Click the links below. You can thank me later.

Lynch has appeared on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing,” Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend,” and the Aspen Comedy Festival.
Want even more Lynch in your life? I know, me too. Don’t stop now, go check out her personal website, http://www.carmenlynch.com/ and don’t forget to check out her profile over at Rooftop Comedy.– http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/comics/CarmenLynch

Mary Mack—

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EAT THIS! – La Loaf de l’amour

Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.by Frogmama

Has it been awhile since you and your partner have been amorous? Do you need to put that zing back into your bedroom but don’t know what to cook to set the wheels in motion?

Relax. “La Loaf de l’amour” is here.

Before you jump into this dish, I need to lay down some ground rules. This dish isn’t for novices so if you’re someone who fucks up instant oatmeal don’t even think about attempting it. The recipe has been in my family for eons so please, whatever you do, don’t go telling everyone about it. I don’t want to turn on the TV and find Rachel Ray claiming it’s hers.

Got it?

Preparation:

Be sure you make this dish on a night when you have plenty of distractions and limitations. I recommend two crying kids, two fat cats begging to be fed, a slight buzz, severe lack of sleep, cabin fever and some out-of-whack stubbornness fed by your partner’s comment of “You can’t make dinner under these circumstances.” [Read more...]

Acceptable Romantic Foods – Monique Madrid

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but a way to a woman’s hips is also through her stomach.

In the beginning, my husband was a romantic. Flowers, love notes, spontaneous dates and candy were a regular occurrence. I still remember the first time he gave me candy. I know that’s a little weird, but this was a 10lb bag of gummy bears. Not the shitty, generic brand either. Haribro Gummy Bears, the Ferraris (or at least given their Germanic roots) the Volkswagen of gummies. I was thrilled and ate the whole bag in a day.

Ten years later, he still brings me little surprises, just not of the flower variety. In fact, the last time I got flowers was when I snuck a bouquet onto the conveyor belt in the checkout line at Jewel. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t bring me little gifts though just not necessarily the kinds I want. While ’50 Shades of Grey’ groupies pine for chocolates to go with their handcuffs and whips, I pine for looser fitting pants. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he tends to bring me treats like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups that just so happen to be his favorite candy. They also happen to be worth too many points, so I always give him half. Geez, isn’t that convenient romantic.

Still, just because I’m health conscious doesn’t mean I’m impossible to please. Here is my list of acceptable romantic treats. [Read more...]

Jessica Delfino Is Magic

Funny Woman Jessica Delfino

Jessica Delfino

Insight from Jessica especially for FnS viewers:

This “NEW” video version of the “MAGIC” song was made for a UK TV pilot featuring lots of demented comedians. It was filmed in Edinburgh, Scotland in Aug 2009 in two locations — one was the gorgeous Arthur’s Seat mini-mountain attraction that tons of tourist climb on a daily basis to get breath taking views of the ocean and surrounding city. Some climb drunk and die, but I was not one of them — not that year, anyway! Unlike American tourist attractions, there are no walls or fences around Arthur’s Seat (and no admission fee). You’re on your own, so don’t be a dumb ass, and wear sensible shoes to hike up the mound and not 6 inch high heels like I’m wearing in this video.
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Marilyn Snodgrass; Stylist for the Dead – Jenn Dodd

Some call her creepy but others simply call her misunderst- … no, she’s creepy. Marilyn Snodgrass is a dim-witted and adorably eerie beautician at the Astoria funeral home. Self appointed “fashion guru for the dead”, Marilyn was asked to give a speech for the New York Funeral Committee over her unique style choices for the recently deceased.

jenn-dodd
Jenn Dodd

Jenn Dodd is a New York based character actress and comedian who loves to poke fun at mankind’s collective social awkwardness. Her character work focuses primarily on the wonderfully bizarre nature of every day people.

MAKE IT like the Girlfriend Mom: Multitasking

MAKE IT like the Girlfriend Mom: MultitaskingIs Sex Distracting?

What are women really thinking about when they’re having sex? I suppose we’d like to believe that we’re thinking about whomever is on top of us, behind us, or under us. But we know different, don’t we ladies?

Until recently, I’d been focusing on the laundry list of distractions; thoughts, images, or scenarios, that men might be preoccupied with, when they’re screwing, and romping around. And then last night, my boyfriend and I were engaged in a most wonderful coital dance. He was on top of me, freshly trimmed chest hair, smooth-as-a-baby’s ass Portuguese skin. (that shit has to be genetic) My legs were in an Olympic event worthy spread eagle, knees bent, with my feet freakishly close to my face. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, PILATES. [Read more...]

Janice Peppermill on Being Single – Jenn Dodd

OK, I’m pretty sure Jenn Dodd is making fun of me because I’ve written her about posting on okcupid. That’s ok. Anything for a laugh…PS. I have a date with some okcupid dude Friday night. I’m sure it’s gonna be great…

Both tragic and hilarious, “Janice Peppermill” is a sexual beast. Known for her cones and strict diet of Zima and heartache. An optimist to the very end, Janice takes matters into her own hands by compiling a list of all the “fun new things” she’s doing since her recent divorce.

We’re Back to the 80s on Funny not Slutty

Hello, and welcome to Back to the 80′s on Funny not Slutty. We have what I feel is the funniest week in the history of FnS, and that’s pretty funny. Look for original and classic 80s videos, 80s themed memes, blog posts and even a fab 80′s jukebox procured by our graphic designer, Lakia Ross.

Special thanks to Killy Dwyer, the Funny not Slutty Fairy, and her crew, Bill Chambers and Craig Schober for producing 3 vid promos.

The contributors who made this week happen are: [Read more...]

MAKE IT like the Girlfriend Mom: Barbie Slut

girlfriend mom barbiesI’ve always believed that some girls exhibited signs of their future sexual proclivities when they were quite young. I know I did. I grew up playing with the standard dolls; Barbie, Ken, Cher. But instead of taking Barbie and Ken (Cher was always on tour) for a ride along the beach in her Corvette (Ken’s car was always conveniently in the shop), stroll down boardwalks or make pie in her Malibu Dream House, when I got them together, all they wanted to do was hump each other outside in the open air.

I remember fantasizing that Ken was on top of me, instead of little Miss Perfect, rubbing his anatomically incorrect (hopefully) body against mine. Maybe the other little girls in the neighborhood were doing the same thing. I had no idea, because I never actually asked any of them if they made their dolls hump each other or were humped by their dolls. Somewhere during the seventh or eighth year of my life, I received the message that sharing this type of personal behavior was better kept private. So I did. Until now. [Read more...]

The Partisans: Rick Santorum – Gifts From God

See more funny videos from the world famous Second City.