Announcing ~ Bad Valentine Short Short Essay Contest Winners!

Enter the Funny not Slutty Thank you to all our contest participants and to Flytrap for sponsoring the Fns Bad Valentine Short Short Essay Contest!

EVERYONE’S a WINNER! Buy a GOOD VALENTINE from Flytrap using order code BADVALENTINE for 15% off Valentine items. Expires February 15.

My judging process was to rate essays from 1-10 in funniness (it’s a word because I say so) and quality of writing. I added the two numbers for final scores. Here are the results and winning entries:


1st Place – Dusty Earth Mother

1st Prize Flytrap Package: A Flytrap Card, a Sticky, a Littles and a (gasp) Boink Journal!

2nd Place – Amy Pannell

2nd Prize Flytrap Package: A Card and some Littles!

Honorable mentions – KiKi, Becca and Jotter Girl


1st Place – Dusty Earth Mother

“Bad Valentine”. A sonnet by Wilhelmina Shakespeare.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art just as sweaty and akin to the hairy-backed man at thy community pool. [Read more...]

The Poop Alibi – S. Jane Gari and Heidi R. Willis



At fifteen, I went on my first date.  It was a lame “mall date” during which we browsed Spencer’s Gifts, Waldenbooks , Wicks ‘n’ Sticks and some comic book store with a dirty bathroom.  The bathroom was the most memorable part of the date, because I spent at least twenty minutes in there.  It was the heaviest day of my period, and I tend to poop a lot on those days.  Gynecologists will tell you this is normal, as uterine contractions can also activate the shit reflex. 

The business of crapping is unsexy conversation on any date, much less a first date in which the participants are already so uncomfortable with their teenaged bodies, the uneasiness is palpable.  So, while I was in the bathroom, churning out round after round of nastiness, I devised my alibi.  [Read more...]