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Eat This! Show Me The Money! Lemonade Pie

August 5, 2012 By admin 1 Comment

lemon pie

My sweet little baby decided she wanted to have a lemonade stand. We live close to the corner, so I was convinced that with her sweet face and my knock-off brand of powdered lemonade, she’d totally rake in the dough. She sat out in the heat for hours (and not just because I told her to not come home until she recouped my $1.75 investment). No one stopped. Not one single grandmotherly-type figure. I know the economy is bad, but c’mon! She’s cute enough to warrant a 50 cent cup of watered-down lemonade.

I walked to the corner where her little table with the crayon sign was set up and saw the issue: The sisters in the block before ours had their own stand. AND? They had their baby brother strapped in his stroller for curb appeal. Oh hellz no. This would not work. No one steals my baby’s lemonade traffic. We would be back tomorrow, and we would be ready to dominate. Three letters, my friends: P I E. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Columnists, Featured, Featured Stories, FnS Originals, Other Funnies, Series Tagged With: Eat This!, Eat This! on Funny not Slutty, funny, funny blogger, funny recipe, funny woman, funny women, women in comedy

Ten Totally Rad Weekend Plans for the 80s

April 19, 2012 By admin 1 Comment

10. Lift some Pop Rocks from the local 7-11 store when you buy your can of NEW Coke then drink the NEW Coke with a mouth full of Pop Rocks to see if you really do explode.

9. Take your boom box and Cassingle of “Footloose” out to the country and dance just like Ren McCormick until the Cassingle breaks.

8. Using your now-broken Cassingle tape of “Footloose” string the tapearound the nearest car just like Danny Zucko in “Greased Lightening”.

7. Dial 867-5309 over and over and over and ask for Jenny.

6. Buy brand new neon-colored sweat shirts three sizes too big and cut the arms, necks and waist of each and every one of them. Layer the sweatshirts over biker shorts and a miniskirt and wear them to the arcade. Attempt to beat Ms. Pacman’s high score, which was achieved by someone with the initials “A S S”. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Articles, Columnists, Dating/Marriage, Featured, FnS Originals Tagged With: 80's humor, 80s jokes, back to the 80s, funny, the 80s were funny

When Celebs Suck – I love you Beyonce, but seriously…

February 19, 2012 By admin 13 Comments

Let me preface this by saying that my love for Beyonce Knowles is undying. I’m convinced that she’s some sort of angel/alien hybrid sent to earth to teach us how to dance in stilettos. My husband has been warned more than once that if Beyonce were to come a-knockin’, I’d forget his name in less time than it took Bobbi Brown to try to cash in on Whitney’s death.

That being said…

It’s one thing to be all “I love Beyonce because she’s Oprah rich AND is still someone I can see myself sharing a bottle of wine with”…but now? I’m not so sure. It seems my beloved Sasha Fierce is starting to lose that common touch which she’s always been so proud of.

First order of evidence: The fact that the birth of her daughter resulted in lockdown conditions in the neonatal unit of Lennox Hill Hospital. In other words, if you weren’t part of the Beyonce/Jay Z entourage, it sucked to be you even more than it does every other day of the year. Imagine being told you can’t visit your baby because of some people who are better than you. Do you see yourself beating a security guard to death, or is it just me? I’m violent sometimes. [Read more...]