FnS News – Pizza and Wings and Chocolate Chip Cookies Edition

FnS Publisher, Jacki Schklar

by Jacki Schklar

Let’s start a new thing, shall we? It will be full of new stuff, like FnS happenings and fellow Funny not Sluttie’s upcoming events and recent accomplishments and latest gossip. But not your current weight loss spreadsheets, ok? I don’t want to hear anything about what you ate today unless it’s something yummy and fattening. I know it’s like a trend to become accountable through pathetic cries for attention social media posting your fucking diet lifestyle change and all.  But I’d rather have cybersex with this guy than read your calorie and fiber intake counts for the week on Facebook.

 Loveinthedumps

I was a part of another “first” recently, as the premiere Saturday Interview on Love in the Dumps.   That’s correct. A site for dysfunctional daters has chosen me as their flagship interview.  I talk about a topic I’m an expert on, which is meeting strange men on the internet. Rebound Rick, Sci-Fi Guy, and who can forget the Fur Trooper? Read and learn.

Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie

Everybody loves Iraqi Jackie, our favorite blogging U.S. soldier! I have some great news about Jackie! She has just returned home safe and sound after over a year of service overseas. This was her 2nd tour of duty. Let’s give her a great big virtual welcome home hug and thank you, shall we?

Do you have some Funny not Slutty news? Post it in the comment section here, or send to jacki@southernjewishprincess.com or post it in our Community.

Army Signs – Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie Iraqi Jackie 

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red. Friend Jackie on Facebook

The Army doesn’t always employ rocket scientists, let’s just go ahead and throw that one on the table as a fact. Many Soldiers need a lot of guidance and direction to complete even the simplest of tasks. Luckily, in my field as a medic, I am not always subjected to the retardedness directly. Inevitably, it finds itself to me in a round about way….

 

Like in the form of informational signs.

[Read more...]

SimMan Fun – Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie Iraqi Jackie 

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red. Friend Jackie on Facebook

We unloaded five Sim Men out of the connex today. The Sim Man is a simulation manikin that medics get to play with as learning tools. They have injuries we can practice treating. They can be hooked to computers and programmed to have a heart rate and breath sounds. Their chests will rise and fall and they can even scream in pain. But before they can do any of that cool stuff, they have to be put together.

 

There was a lot of laughter in the EVAC shack today.

 

Funny not Slutty of the Week – Jackie Williams

Iraqi Jackie

What Funny not Slutty could be more deserving of acknowledgement than our very own U.S. Army Soldier Medic blogger? Iraqi Jackie has been on living it up in the States on leave this week, and she travels back to her deployment in Iraq today. Let’s post some words of encouragement and thanks for serving overseas and sharing her experiences with us!

Jackie’s profile in the Funny not Slutty Community – http://funnynotslutty.ning.com/profile/JacquelineWilliams
Friend Jackie on Facebook

Medics Fixin Shit by Iraqi Jackie

 

The day’s task was to wash the FLAs. Nevermind that we are in IRAQ and it’s filthy and dusty every day, those damn field ambulances needed a bath! So down to the motorpool we went!

Kids and Poop – Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red.

The kids are out of control in Iraq. When they set eyes on our convoys they come running from their houses like American kids do for the Ice Cream Truck. If I were the mothers of these children I would sooner faint than let them tear out of the house in hot pursuit of foreigners with guns. Cultural differences.

Children are demanding little devils. They all want something from us. Chocolate and pencils mostly. I don’t carry either. [Read more...]

It's all about location – Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red.

Real estate is jacked up in Iraq. When this:

Can be across the street to this:

The system has serious flaws. [Read more...]

What’s this you are speaking? – Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie
Iraqi Jackie

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red.

When I log onto the internet, there is approximately an 80% chance it will not load in English. I don’t speak German, but man, I sure am learning! Maybe I’m not really learning a new language. Maybe I’m just memorizng where to click to long into Yahoo.com or cnn.com (yes, I do actually look at cnn.com; I didn’t just throw that in there to look smart!). I’m putting my money on memorization. Because I don’t lern so good.

Usually once I log into something that takes my password, everything is in English again. The adds that appear on the side bars are interesting, in German or English. Crazy Europeans. For instance, did you know, It’s incredibly easy to live and work in the United States! Get your Green Card now! (Or sometimes seen as, Erhalten sie ihre aufenthaltsgenehmigung jetzts!) It looks fun! And easy… but maybe the word “die” is a little extreme!

[Read more...]

Sleepy Soldier Medic – Iraqi Jackie

I am a Combat Medic in the US Army. I feel like I was designed from birth to do this job. Not because I am a warm compassionate human being, or have a sick fetish for blood. No, not even because I might have a desire to mix guns and Band-aids. This is my calling because I can sleep anywhere, wearing anything at any given time. I had been training for this job my entire life. I didn’t realize it until I was referred to as a “professional”.
Medics are generally lazy by nature. And don’t get upset, fellow soldier medics, because you know I’m speaking the truth. I sometimes wonder if there was a block of instruction taught to us during medic school at Fort Sam Houston about sleeping at the drop of a dime. It’s entirely possible I missed the class because I was asleep. [Read more...]

Star Status – Iraqi Jackie

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red.

I had my moment (finally) when I realized that I am truly a celebrity. I’ve waited my whole life for this. It was like I was Britney Spears and it was totally rad. Except… I’m only famous in Iraq, so maybe my star status isn’t as big as Britney’s. I’m more like those Muslim rappers (oh yes, they exist and it’s hilarious) that have no chance of being recognized outside their country.

So this is how it went down: we’re pulling security at a Court House red ribbon cutting ceremony, and the place is crawling with Iraqi Army dudes, as well as US Soldiers. There are plastic chairs set out in the hall outside the conference room so a bunch of us from both Armys were sitting out there chilling. One of the Iraqi Army guys got up and handed me his cell phone. He was showing me a picture.

The picture was of me! Taken weeks ago! [Read more...]

It's fun to stay at the YMCA – Iraqi Jackie

 
 
 

Iraqi Jackie

Iraqi Jackie

My name is Jackie Williams. I was raised in Davenport, Iowa. After high school I joined the Army. I went some places, did some stuff, and met some people. I’m still doing all those things. I like kitty cats, black mascara, flip flops and Mexican food. Also, the color red.

We went to a shitty Iraqi style YMCA today. Part of being in the US Army is showing the Iraqis that we want to help them and make their country a better place. So we fund projects to better their communities and schools. Personally, I liked this war a little better when we were blowing things up and shooting anyone who had a shovel in their hands. We have to be nice guys now. [Read more...]