Hello, and welcome to Back to the 80′s on Funny not Slutty. We have what I feel is the funniest week in the history of FnS, and that’s pretty funny. Look for original and classic 80s videos, 80s themed memes, blog posts and even a fab 80′s jukebox procured by our graphic designer, Lakia Ross.
Special thanks to Killy Dwyer, the Funny not Slutty Fairy, and her crew, Bill Chambers and Craig Schober for producing 3 vid promos.
The contributors who made this week happen are: [Read more...]
JennyMac, of Let’s Have a Cocktail, posts original recipes that sound so good I frequently bookmark them. In my mind, this shows a lot of homemaker-y effort, and saves me from actually having to shop, cook and clean. But every once in a while I decide to mangle a recipe (seriously - check out these babies,) and this soup sounded too easy and good to pass up. My comments, in red, are the culinary equivalent of a cockpit recording from a doomed flight. [Read more...]
Hollywood Week is my favorite part of Idol, because the sleep-deprived, mostly deluded big fish from teeny tiny ponds across the nation all get dumped into one tank. There is a lot of fish-on-fish violence, smack talk, ugly criers, mega divas of both genders. That’s all a given. But this year we also had ambulances, fainting and the classy, show-must-go-on-even-if-I-vomit moxie that lead one young woman to sing with a giant CLEAR (why clear, lord, why?) garbage bag in her lap. Which she uses to cack on camera.
That reminds me: Best Contestant Name: Deondre Brackensick [Read more...]
I’m K A B L O O E Y and I’m watching Americal Idol so you don’t have to.
Funny not Slutty
Jane Carrey: the spawn of celebri-dad Jim Carrey was self-deprecating and sang kind of nicely.
Slutty not Funny
I hadn’t written her name down, so I Googled “San Diego American Idol butt cheek girl” and lo: Amanda Diley. You know Mr. and Mrs. Diley are so proud. (Edited so as not to show half her ass, unlike the Idol editors.)
After the first week of auditions, here are some more lowlights from American Idol:
Erika “Crazy Eyes” Nowak: If you are already one beer short of a six-pack and have close-set non-blinking blue eyes, you might want to lay off outlining them in black kohl. Unless you’re trying to look like Tanya Harding.
The Up Close and Personal Sob Story Quartet: [Read more...]
Do you think that gem was crafted by:
A) my dealer
B) my dominatrix
C) my psychiatrist
D) none of the above
If you answered “D,” give yourself a sloppy kiss. [Read more...]
Oxymoronic Costumes I Found Online:
1. Sexy Straight Jacket
2. Sexy Skunk
3. Sexy Sea Turtle
4. Sexy Watermelon
5. Sexy Statue of Liberty
K A B L O O E Y’s Halloween Pet Peeves:
1. Designers of every costume listed above. Just because you cut the Willie Wonka costume off at the crotch doesn’t mean you’ve created “Sexy Willie Wonka.” [Read more...]
An Illustration of How Costume Companies Devise Their Ideas:
People Who Love Halloween: [Read more...]
The Mooch and I stare down at a table full of glitter-bombed dreck. Brenda, my daughter’s Brownie troop leader, points to a green lump with glued-on googly eyes and orange tinsel hair.
“This is Moochie’s St. Patrick’s Day project. She didn’t finish it, then said it didn’t matter because mom always throws them out anyway.”
Crap. I shoot a horrified glance at my informant daughter, mutter “Oh, Fredo, you broke my heart” and start furious verbal backpedaling.
“Oh, no; she’s confused. We throw away some of the school papers, the worksheets and whatnot, but not her Brownie projects.”
In truth, she’s lucky if they make the car. Every week there is another holiday themed, dollar bin at Michael’s craft project to transport home. Invariably, they are covered in wet Elmer’s glue, so you have to hold them gingerly, as if they are made of Dresden china. It’s like transporting baby chicks with brittle bone disease.
Once the foam monstrosities are in the house, they stay on the dining room table, shedding pipe cleaners, until my daughter forgets about them. Then I collect a pile and dispose of them under cover of night, like a serial killer burying the bodies. [Read more...]