Funny Not Slutty Best on the Planet Winners!

Funniest on the planet awards

Sponsored by The Louise Log

1. Funniest Comedian on the Planet – Female

Tina Fey – Winner!

 

2. Funniest Comedian on the Planet – Male

Louis CK – Winner!

 

3. Funniest Actress/Actor on the Planet – Television

Kristin Wiig – Winner!

  [Read more...]

For the Love of Ketchup! – Leslie Goshko

I love ketchup! No, wait. “Love” isn’t a strong enough word. I’m “obsessed” with ketchup. Yes, obsessed! Hello, my name is Leslie and I’m obsessed with ketchup. Sure, you know ketchup for its practical purposes: gracing the bun of your double cheeseburger, acting as an essential ingredient for a meatloaf. But do you know that there are a plethora of other ketchup-combination foods that are just dying to be explored? Well, there are! And I’m here to tell you about just a few of them.*

*disclaimer—I know these will probably sound disgusting, as my husband tells me this on a regular basis. But since I have no shame and eat like a 20 year old frat guy, I don’t care. They’re delicious. [Read more...]

For only $19.95, Shit Can “Get Real” This Christmas! – Leslie Goshko

christmas funnyParents: are you tired of stressing over how to explain the existence of Santa Claus to your child? Do you fret that dashing your offspring’s dreams will leave them in years of therapy with only you to blame? Or worse, that some snotty classmate of theirs will beat you to the punch, thus subjecting you to endure melodramatic shrieks of “You’re a liar! A LIAR!”? Well fear no more! For the low low price of just $19.95, you can take yourself off the hook with the new Santa’s Little Helper “Shit Just Got Real” doll! This adorable plush elf doll comes complete with reversible holiday vest, bell-laden shoes that really jingle, and all the things you can’t bring yourself to say! Simply squeeze Little “Shit Just Got Real”’s tummy, and with a giggle, he’ll let your child know:

Diabetes doesn’t care if you’re “jolly!”

Mommy’s dating a Jew now!

and

It’s called “venison” and it’s delicious!

Order now, and for an additional $5.99 you can receive our limited edition “Shit Just Got Real” Advent calendar, featuring not one, but TWO life-like houses–one for weekends at Mommy’s, and one for Daddy’s (chocolate not included). [Read more...]

True Facts About Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

by Leslie Goshko

When you look at the foam of a Pumpkin Spice Latte, you can see the Virgin Mary. And Christ. And Satan. And they all get along.

Craigslist Missed Connections: “I saw you on the train drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I got an erection. For the latte.”

My brother lost his leg in a shark attack. They replaced it with a  Pumpkin Spice Latte.

 Pumpkin Spice Lattes are made of poets’ tears. [Read more...]

The Best Video Christmas Card Ever!


Something you may or may not know about me…A Charlie Brown Christmas music makes me want to commit suicide. So when I saw this Video Christmas Card by Funny not Slutty Leslie Goshko I laughed out loud and watched it about 10 times in a row. An instant classic; send it to all your friends to spread the holiday do-do cheer. 

No really, I have to say I am very thankful this holiday season. I’m thankful that I’m not involved in any personal projects involving groups with Gentiles.  Because you people check out at about Halloween and we never see you again until after Valentine’s Day… 

 

I asked Leslie who the mysterious hand belongs to in the video, and to share a little about the “making of” this masterpiece -
“The mysterious hand in the video is my husband’s. Whether he likes it or not, he unavoidably gets roped into helping me (we made a short silent film a little while back: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBq4OObsZ4E). 

Whenever we shoot a video together, there’s always an issue of ‘the camera.’ Namely, we never have anyone to deal with it. So, we use a really high tech way of getting the shot: we stack boxes or tables on top of each other and place the Flip camera on top. Bingo! Instant “camera person.” We have a lot of fun together. Plus I get to say things like, ‘Bitch slap my antler harder.’ Ah, love.”

Awesomely Awful! Staying Alive vs Showgirls – Leslie Goshko

staying alive vs showgirls

 

by Leslie Goshko, who just happens to be a semi-finalist for the Andy Kaufman Award and performs in the competition November 1st at Gotham Comedy Club.

I honestly didn’t think it could be done. I didn’t think the possibility even existed. But then, I witnessed it with my own eyes. The movie to rival my all-time favorite, NY Magazine-rated worst sequel ever…Showgirls. In case you aren’t familiar with either of these movies, here’s the gist: In Showgirls, Nomi is a wannabe dancer with a chip on her shoulder who likes to fuck dudes (and sometimes girls). In Staying Alive, Tony is a wannabe dancer with a chip on his shoulder who likes to fuck girls (no dudes, just girls). But what these two movies have in common, besides a ridiculous amount of ill-fitting spandex, is that they are both so deliciously horrible, they swing right past “despicable” and straight to “awesome”!* How is that possible? Well, they incorporate the must-have elements that make a great dance movie stand the test of time:

1. Characters who get angry and yell out random, quotable one-liners:

“Man everybody got AIDS and shit!” (Showgirls)

Not to be outdone by…

“I wouldn’t trust him. He looks like a demented paratrooper!” (Staying Alive)

2. Aggravated choreographers who want you to know they see the BIG picture:

“I got one interest here, and that’s the show. I don’t care whether you live or die. I want to see you dance and I want to see you smile.” (Showgirls)

“The show’s the thing, Manero. NOT YOU! You remember that!” (Staying Alive)

3. Antagonists who accuse the lead characters of sleeping their way to the top:

“You fuck him for the spot? Or you fuck him ‘cause you wanted to? I say you did it for the spot.” (Showgirls)

“Who do you think you’re dealing with… some little groupie who jumps when you call? Is that who you think I am? We met, we made it. What do you think it was? True love? And you say I used you, but what about you using me? Everybody uses everybody, don’t they?” (Staying Alive)

4. Live club singers who solve life’s mysteries one terrifically terrible song lyric at a time: [Read more...]

Killy and Leslie on the FRIGID New York Festival

Killy and Leslie talk NY Frigid

Killy and Leslie talk NY Frigid

Killy and Leslie tell us about the upcoming FRIGID New York Festival.

Tickets to their shows in the FRIGID New York Festival:

Kill the Band – http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?showcode=KIL6&pcode=FRIG0

Vodka Shoes – http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?showcode=VOD1

Funny AND Slutty – Leslie Goshko and Killy Dwyer

Click “Funny” at the end for us, please!

OK, maybe we ARE Funny AND Slutty…
..from the cutting room floor, too good to delete. Promos for their Frigid Festival shows to come.
Killy Dwyer - http://kellybdwyer.com/
Leslie Goshko – http://www.ohmygoshko.com/

Tiger Woods Top 10: Acts of Revenge for Elin

 

Tiger Woods Elin's Revenge

After recent reports that Elin Nordegren hopes to save her marriage with Tiger Woods, we’re not buying that she’s really ready to forgive and forget. So we asked a few of our funny friends what they would do if they were Elin.

What would you do? Add your answer as a comment below.

#10

Have sex with George Clooney.
- Jacki Schklar

 #9

She should get a job as a cocktail waitress, which are mostly what Tiger’s mistresses were, and then she should really put the “cock” and “tail” in cocktail waitress.
- Jessica Delfino

 #8

Dye her hair brown.
- Jessica Delfino

#7

Have her do endorsements for Tiger’s woods, using the smallest drivers possible…
- Marsha Morgan  [Read more...]