Five Guys You Shouldn’t Date – Mallory Schlossberg

I’ve dated a lot of men, and I am fairly certain that I now know the five guys you should not date. These are not the types your momma warned you about. In fact, even your best girlfriends might not have even told you about them. However, as your resident All-Things-Man Guru, I am here to help aid in your valiant search for a decent dude. None of these guys are. These guys are dudes who present red flag warning signs. Maybe you’ll go out on a first date with them, but I wouldn’t say they are keepers. Sleep with at your own peril. Wait — DON’T!

1. Bug Guy
No – this is not the guy whose apartment is crawling with bugs. (That’s Dirty Guy, but you knew about him, right?). This is the guy who casually mentions that he has bed bugs. Then you start drinking. Then he casually invites you over. He assumes you forgot about that offhand comment about his current living situation. But you did not, right Smart Funny Lady Compatriot Of Mine? (Right? Please, oh God, say you did!) I mean, I’m not an environmental scientist or anything, but I do live in the city and I’m pretty sure that if you go into a bed with bed bugs and you are a warm blooded human that you’ll get bitten. I mean, I’m just saying.

2. Objecti-Guy
“I just want you to know that I am currently sexualizing you in my head,” said a guy who should never get laid.

3. Hawaiian Shirt Guy
This is judgmental of me, but the Hawaiian shirt generally represents a series of unfortunate events to come. The Hawaiian shirt is actually a silent way of saying, “hey, I’m just a real awesome, chill, fun guy,” which no awesome, chill, fun guy ever said. To that end, [Read more...]

We Have Been Replaced by Netflix, Video Games and Porn

by Jacki Schklar

Many of my girlfriends, too many, have been saying that men no longer approach them for romance or dating. It’s an epidemic. 

One of my friends has a theory that PVC’s in plastics have lessened men’s libidos. One woman thought it is the Atlanta area, but I happen to know several women in other states and it’s the same thing in at least 3 more states. One thought she must be giving the wrong vibes, but if that were the case all these women with all these different personalities would not have this issue.

I think I know the answer. Men are not interested in coupling because they have Netflix, video games and porn to keep them company. We just are no longer seen as necessary.

There is a new webseries about trying to find love a little later in life. I think the writing is a little predictable and it moves a little slow, but it has promise despite the fact that the star’s acting is a little impeded by the botox in her head. Check out Dating in the Middle Ages.

 

Jacki Schklar is a video and interactive content producer in Atlanta, Georgia. Her main interests are marketing, comedy production, web publishing and cooking. Everyone asks her if she is a comedian and/or tells her she should open a restaurant, neither of which appeal to her. She publishes a website featuring funny female producers, writers and comedians called funnynotslutty.com. Funny not Slutty Original Videos have been featured by Funny or Die, BestViral.com, TVGuide.com and Internet Video Magazine.