Lena Dunham, I love you – Slutty but Funny

Lena Dunham, I love you.

(For those of you who don’t know who Lena Dunham is, she is a genius that at the mere age of 26 has written, produced, acted AND directed the critically acclaimed HBO series “Girls.” And if you really didn’t know who Lena was, I’m going to stop typing now, and find you, and force feed you lard. It’s the only solution to your shortcomings.)

Any who, back to you, Lena. My sweet little dove you. You make me feel content (and slightly proud?) of my current eating and personal hygiene habits.

Let those hata’s hate. They are just jealous of your ridiculous talent and ability to shove four cupcakes in your mouth at once.

Believe me, I’ve lost many a friends because of that stunning feat. It’s sad really but the inability to overeat is and will always be a sore subject for many.

But hey, we are all human. We all have our short comings. I can’t do my 11 times table without two fingers and an iPhone calculator. I have a feeling you and I have that in common.

But let’s get back to your awesomeness. You’re awesome. Well actually, you are cool and all, but now that I think about it, I think I’m in love with your character Hannah, and not you….soooooo this is going to get a little awkward. [Read more...]

Shades FnS Interview by Slutty but Funny (Natalie Wall)

Let’s get real, women of America. You want a book that will make all your lady-parts tingle in unexplainable ways? Oh wait… You actually do want a book that makes your lady-parts tingle in unexplainable ways? I thought that’s why they invented Youporn.com. People still read porn? Gross.

Anywho, I was lucky enough to sit (in front of my computer) and converse with author Court Burback (via e-mail) about her latest e-book, “A Coupla Shades of Taupe.” It’s got sex, it’s got intrigue, and VD. It’s got a shit ton of VD!

Download her book IMMEDIATELY and read my interview with this lovely lady…

[Read more...]

Overly Religious Southern Baptists…BITE ME – Slutty but Funny

Southern Baptists,

Let’s chat.

Now I’m not going to sit here and berate you on your hypocritical religious beliefs.  I saw that Mitt Romney was your commencement speaker, Liberty University. (…I watch the news…and yes,  The Daily Show can be considered “news.”) Last I heard y’all called Mormons a “religious cult.”

And I’m not even going to talk about your uncanny ability to alienate any person who doesn’t conform to your “ideals.”

But if you are going to make me listen to a twenty minute introduction about the groomsmen in your fucking Southern Baptist “dry” wedding BEFORE food has even been served, you better believe I’m going to openly pour vodka into the sparkling apple cider you’re trying so hard to pass off as champagne.

Side note: If the usher has to constantly announce that the groomsmen, “is a good Christian man, and he’s fun to hang out with!” He’s not fun to hang out with. [Read more...]

Slutty but Funny – Oh Cameron Crowe

All right ladies (and gentlemen), we need to stop blaming Disney for our ridiculous expectations about love. We need to blame the 80’s, specifically John Cusack.

Actually no, Cusack is just an actor, he had no power over what he was told to say. He was just lucky enough to have a sultry voice/gaze/drug addiction that could make any lady panties bunch up all in a twist.

We need to blame the asshole writers who wrote all those perfect fucking things for that perfect fucking man to say to say in those god damn perfect fucking romance movies, leaving all of us to expect every fucking guy in our lives meet such expectations and when they don’t. Shit. Hits. The. Fan. [Read more...]

We’re Back to the 80s on Funny not Slutty

Hello, and welcome to Back to the 80′s on Funny not Slutty. We have what I feel is the funniest week in the history of FnS, and that’s pretty funny. Look for original and classic 80s videos, 80s themed memes, blog posts and even a fab 80′s jukebox procured by our graphic designer, Lakia Ross.

Special thanks to Killy Dwyer, the Funny not Slutty Fairy, and her crew, Bill Chambers and Craig Schober for producing 3 vid promos.

The contributors who made this week happen are: [Read more...]

Funny or Die Presents: Rugrats

 Every 90’s child thought it, but now we have proof. That Angelica chick was one cold-hearted bitch. Filled with deception, manipulation and cold-blooded murder, get ready 90’s generation for the greatest validation of our television consuming childhood existence that we all know and miss so much. Fuck that I-Carly bullshit, and buy your tickets in advance for the first (of which I hope to be many) live action Rugrats movie. With a star-studded cast, including Alia Shawkat, Mae Whitman, Michael Angarano and Nathan Barnatt, your childhood memories will never be the same.

 

Slutty but Funny

Natalie Wall likes to think she is a female comedian but the reality is she’s a NYC girl trying to make it big. If she’s not writing in her blog, Awkward Sex and the City, she’s spraying vanilla icing on a mini donut or thinking of ways to kill Dora from Dora the Explorer. Help her, humor her and fall in love with the pale pasty princess straight out of Compton (not really).

EAT THIS! Holiday Crystal Meth Plate

 

Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny.

by Natalie Wall

If there is anything that brings the children scampering around the holiday garbage can fire, it’s Holiday Crystal Meth and Crack Rocks. One of my personal favorites holiday treats, based purely on its sugar addiction factor and quick preparation time.

Holiday Crystal Meth

Ingredients:

1. One local Wal-Mart/CVS/Bottom Dollar

2. One pair of scissors

3. One hammer

4. Plastic candy dish-preferably holiday related

5. 4 Bags of rock candy

Instructions:

First you will need to locate your local Wal-Mart or other fine discount retailers. Once that task is completed, step out of your car/bike/public transportation of choice and locate the candy aisle or as I like to call it, “The Impending Type-2 Diabetes” aisle. Grab at least 4 bags of rock candy. I usually buy at least 8, but that’s based solely on my low blood sugar and lack of self-respect.

Next, locate the self-checkout lines. No one needs to see this moment. [Read more...]

Slutty but Funny – 80′s Fashion. It’s Back.

tom_selleck glasses

Ladies, it is time. It is time for us to admit that the 80’s are back and it looks so damn good. On men, that is. (Step away from the crimper, Sarah.)

So yes, I’m talking to you, good sir, with the glorious Tom Selleck mustache.

And yes, you, Mr. Strong legs, rocking the bright red shorty-shorts. You say the length of the shorts helps with your endless cross-country training? Sure it does. But it helps me get through those cold and lonely nights, so you wear those bad boys all you damn well please. [Read more...]

Top 35 Worst Sex Names – Slutty but Funny

funny_natalie

by Natalie Wall

America,

There is an epidemic that’s going on in the world today, and it’s called “bad-sex-name-fluenza”. It’s a silent killer, well, silent killer of the mood that is. Worse than gas, it strikes at a moment of pure ecstasy, leaving the victim feeling sexually repulsed/ dirty/ trying to remember the Hot-Pocket theme song. We can’t stand for this anymore, America. I’m so sick of holding back vomit while I have sex. I should get Oscars my performances.

America this must stop now, and yes I know…it would be so much fun to make fun of our own kids mercilessly for such a sucky ass name, but think about their sex life. We can only hope your partner’s genes ruin your child’s chance at a normal social life…fingers crossed. [Read more...]

Slutty But Funny – It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

funny_natalie
by Natalie Wall

You know, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I wasn’t supposed to be living with my parents after I graduated college, let alone living with them for nine months… and counting.

I wasn’t supposed to be moping around my house screaming at my mom for more mayo to dip my morning sausage links into.

I never thought the highlight of my week would become the moment I figured I could fashion my Kansas City Chief koozies into the perfect cooler for my vat of mayo.

“If you really fucking love me you’ll stop buying this Miracle Whip shit.” [Read more...]