THE TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE…store.

Justice-Store

Warning: staring directly at apparel may cause permanent damage to corneas.

 

My daughter is now eight, so I’m happy to report that I’m done with globe-headed Caillou, that whiny little fuck, and Chuck E. Cheese, the flea-bitten, steroidal, rat-boy. These are massive plusses in my book, and they brought me as much joy as did throwing out the rectal thermometer.

However, these parental joys are balanced out by a new horror: having to enter the black hole of ugliness – the Justice store. This mall chain caters to suburban tweenage (I want to shoot myself just typing that “word”) girls with an affinity for neon and shiny objects. The stores themselves are infinitely dense nuggets of tween fashion trends collapsed inward by the weight of their day-glow hideousness. If Tim Gunn were merely to glance into one, his eyeballs would liquefy and melt down his cheeks. [Read more...]

15 Wonderful, Awful Skymall Gift Ideas – Blythe Jewell

This is basically just a list of bullshit I never knew I needed until Skymall told me I did. Now I’m obsessed, and if I don’t find at least half of these under my tree this year, I’m kicking someone’s ass.

Merry Christmas.

1. Mademoiselle Haute Couture Lamp.

 

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=69661072&pnr=85G

I was redecorating my living room this week in the haute couture theme (naturally), but the whole time I just kept thinking to myself, “You know what this place really needs? A life-sized woman lamp that’s taller, thinner and better-dressed than me.” And then – voila! There it was!

2. The” Zombie of Montclaire Moors” Statue.  Because nothing says “Welcome to our home!” quite like a life-sized gray zombie with the tortured eyes of death clawing its way out of your front walkway flowerbed.  [Read more...]

Rite Aid – Natasha Leggero at The Laugh Factory

Natasha’s website and podcast:
http://www.natashaleggero.com
http://www.lavenderhour.com